I need an outlet. There are too many things running through my mind and to have a conversation about them with those around me... well, I can't burden them with the dark recesses of my mind.
I am a vet student. I am about to be an actual doctor. And this, this is quite possibly the scariest thing for me. I am going to make mistakes, and animals and people will suffer because of mistakes that I have made.
I euthanized a cat last night. She had a very poor prognosis and it was a totally acceptable choice to be made. I have euthanized many animals since I started working in the veterinary field. It feels different when I am the one who makes the call to euthanize an animal. Small things are feeling different. Making decisions about an animal... how to stabilize a shocky patient, and being right about my choices. It's starting to click. Things are starting to make sense, to come together. And still, there are other bits, things that I miss, things that I shouldn't miss.
